Greater Expectations
by Darkrealmist
Summary: A continuation to the episode Great Expectations. Several years after Pip's arrival in South Park, he receives word of Pocket's death and must return to England to attend his funeral.


Greater Expectations

Author's Note: Enjoy the story and R&R.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to or of South Park.

Summary:

Pip returns to England for Pocket's funeral, discovering that a rash of robberies has occurred in his hometown of Drop-A-Chair-Upon-Top-Snot.

What was only a subconscious fear turns into a complete nightmare when a close relative of Ms. Havesham appears to claim the family's fortune and use it to exact revenge on the male race.

…

An old Englishman sat upright amongst the books of his study, reading from a particularly lengthy literary work entitled _Great Expectations_.

He looked up from its pages, a wise and adept smile crossing his face.

"Aaah, Dickens," he began, setting the book aside, "the imagery of cobblestone streets, cragging London buildings, and nutmeg-filled Yorkshire puddings."

"Hello, I'm a British person," he introduced himself. "For years now, the character Pip has been featured prominently in the American show, South Park. Those who have seen the first Pip-themed episode know that he is the little Englishman from Charles Dickens' timeless classic, _Great Expectations_. And so tonight, we visit the boy once again in America, where our new tale begins. It is the final day before summer vacation, and Pip receives shocking news…"

…

Mr. Garrison had his back turned to the students, writing math problems on the board. He, like everyone else, wanted to get out of school as soon as possible and enjoy his vacation.

"Okay children, now who can tell me what five times five is?" He turned around. "Come on don't be shy."

Two hands shot up in the rows of seated children.

Garrison immediately identified them as Kyle Broflovski and Eric Cartman. They were unmistakable: The A-plus kid, and the fat kid.

"Yes, Kyle. He pointed at the Jewish boy.

"Ey! How come you never pick me!" Cartman yelled, already knowing fully the response he would get.

"Because you never know the answer butt-for-brains," the teacher replied coldly.

"Twenty-five," Kyle interjected.

"Oh…Oh yes that's correct," Mr. Garrison nodded. How about six times four?"

Again, only Kyle and Cartman raised their hands.

"Kyle."

"What! You stupid hippie, I'm gonna kick you in the nuts!" the fat boy screamed angrily at Garrison.

"Calm down Eric!" he commanded.

"I don't wanna!" Cartman whined.

"No!" the teacher countered with the falsetto from his hand puppet, Mr. Hat. "You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!"

Cartman quieted down, cursing under his breath at the damned puppet.

"Now tell the class the answer Kyle."

"Twenty-"

He was cut off when a mail courier launched himself forcefully through the classroom door, nearly knocking it off its hinges.

"Dude!"

"What the hell!" Garrison panicked.

"Letter 'ere for Mr. Pirrup." He presented the envelope to the British boy. "Sign heah, and heah, and heah. "He pointed at various spots on a clipboard.

The blonde boy signed quickly, watching as the deliverer left. He slipped the message into his backpack for a later time.

"Now you don't see that everyday, right Mr. Hat?"

"You sure don't Mr. Garrison," he talked to himself.

…

The bell rang. Students and teachers rushed out into the snow. The school counsellor, Mr. Mackey, was the last to exit, mumbling a silent _m'kay _as he locked the doors.

"Hey Frenchy, what was that letter all about?" Cartman asked outside South Park Elementary, his three friends trailing him.

"Oh, well gentlemen, I don't believe I've read it yet," Pip said softly, "…and I'm not from France, I'm-"

"Come on fatass, if we hurry we can get to the pond before everybody else." Stan walked past.

"All right, all right!" The overweight child followed.

Pip stood alone for several minutes, the cool wind blowing through his hair. He should have been used to it by now…Shunned by his fellow classmates. A brief moment of anguish passed before he decided ultimately to read the letter:

_Dear, stupid pathetic boy, _

It has been a while, and I'm informing you of your friend, Mr. Pocket's passing. He's been struck down suddenly by Hepatitis B.

Enclosed is a plane ticket, which you will use to travel to England to attend his funeral. He left explicit instructions in his will that dictated your invitation…you smelly little bastard.

-Estella (P.S. Stop dreaming about me you gamy mass of baby vomit!)

Pip smiled, his spirits rising. He hadn't seen the girl in years. He was sad about his former roommate's death, but the radiance of Estella's image obviously overshadowed loss.

…

"Later that day, Pip went to the airport and left for England," the British person explained. "He arrived by evening, and was greeted by none other than Estella herself."

…

"There you are my small-testicled love," her voice dripped of toned-down venom.

Her insults did not faze him. He instead stood frozen, captivated by her ever-blossoming beauty.

In the years that they had been apart, her hair had grown longer, the golden curls enhanced beyond anything Pip had ever seen before. Her face was bright, and her rosy cheeks shone with bliss.

"Stop looking at me you silly little boy," she ordered.

"Oh, hello Estella." He shook off his trance. "Pardon me for my rudeness."

"Come, we must depart." She took his hand and dragged him to her awaiting ride.

As the carriage moved in the moonlight, Pip told Estella all about his adventures while living in South Park. She was not impressed at such commoner activity, but listened regardless to pass the time.

The carriage finally came to a stop in front of the Havesham estate. The last time Pip had seen it, the house was in flames, destroyed in the explosion of Ms. Havesham's genesis device. Now, however, it looked brand new. The walls were painted in the same colour as before, and the windows that dotted them were void of dust and cobwebs.

"Estella, how did-?"

"After mother's death, I inherited the family fortune and estate." She stepped out of the vehicle. "I had the manor restored and sold the remains of the genesis machine to a scrapheap."

"I see." Pip offered his hand. "Walk with me?"

She batted it away. "No, this way you vile retching excuse-of-a-duck."

"Righto then."

He followed her into the mansion, and was surprised to find two golden staircases stretching up either side of the parlour. At the top of one of them was an old woman he regarded as the wretched Ms. Havesham.

"Lord bless me! It's Ms. Havesham!" he gasped.

"Don't worry you festering lump of skin, that's just auntie Molly."

"Auntie Molly?" Pip's breathing returned to normal.

"Yes, she assisted me with the restoration."

"Dear me, she looks an awful lot like your mother," he whispered.

A sudden burst of wind alerted the two blondes.

"For goodness sake auntie, call the maids will you? There's a terrible draft in here, and we can't risk a break-in by that gang of thieves!"

"Thieves you say?" Pip's curiosity grew.

"Yes, a gang of thieves has been targeting upper class families for weeks now. We even received a threat from them."

"I say, what a befuddle this is," he spoke gingerly as if it were something of simple discussion.

"Time to retire to our rooms. I'll show you yours." Estella guided him up the nearer staircase.

"Here we are. She opened a large wooden door.

"My, it's splendidly big." Pip was awestruck.

His gaze focused on a girl standing in the corner. She had brown curly hair tied back with blue ribbon and wore a white dress that flowed past her knees. Atop a tray in her hands was a single glass of water. She was still, almost like a statue.

"Who might you be?" he asked kindly.

She did not respond.

"That's the water girl, Diana. No worries, she won't bother you," Estella assured.

"Would you like a glass of water sir?" she quietly offered.

"That's quite all right," Pip declined politely.

She returned to her unmoving state, her eyes away from the gentleman and his love.

"Good night Pip." Estella closed the door, leaving him in the darkness.

…

Molly made sure that Estella had too gone to bed before entering the dining room. The room was furnished extensively with fine tables and silverware. She sat herself in a metal chair, similar to the one her sister had once sat in for countless years. Peering at the grandfather clock, she could not keep herself from smiling.

It was twenty minutes to nine, the same time that her sister had been left husbandless at the wedding altar ages ago. Of course, Havesham herself had stopped the clock at that particular time. Molly saw no reason to fix it. She felt her sister's pain…and shared her hatred towards men.

"Do not fret sister. Soon we will have our revenge. Once I inherit your fortune and estate, all will be well…but we cannot do this as long as Estella still lives. Oh, why did you pass it on to her? She is unworthy of the Havesham name!"

She listened to the ticks of the clock. Attempts to move the long hand beyond the eight were futile.

"We cannot rely on time to consume her sister. We can begin, but the authorities will end it. There must be another way…I will find it!"

…

The British person nodded warmly as he held the book. "The following day, Pip and Estella attended Pocket's funeral. Unbeknownst to them, Molly plotted during their absence, and found suitable business partners to aid in her vendetta."

…

"So, in return for your services, I will pay you a hefty sum gentlemen," the old woman snarled.

"Indeed madam. 'ou've chosen wisely to include us in your plan," one of the criminals croaked.

"No one dares crosses us," the second one laughed.

Molly agreed, "That is why the people in this town are afraid. Burglary scares them…and you are the best in the business. For weeks, you've terrorized them, and now it comes to this…All you have to do is deal with Estella."

"Yes madam, we understand."

They left the dining room, three criminals about to hit the jackpot.

"Ey boss, can we trust 'is old hag?" Doyle asked concernedly.

"She's the one who should be afraid." Arthur smirked. "The second she sees the girl, we kill 'er and take the loot."

"Marvelous it is," Conan chuckled.

…

Pip and Estella, dressed completely in black, entered the mansion. The funeral had left them tired and mournful. The fact that there was no illumination in the parlour served to send further shivers down their spines.

"Why are the lights out? Auntie, are you here?" Estella shouted into the darkness.

Estella screamed when a face appeared from the shadows.

" 'ello there!" Someone hit the girl over the head, sending her to the ground.

"Estella! What happened!" Pip gasped, "What's going on!"

"Look 'e what we got 'ere?" One of them grabbed Pip by his arm. "A wee 'ittle Englishman it be."

"Let me go!" The boy pulled away, only to join his love on the carpet.

"Ey, where did 'e go!"

Pip took the opportunity to escape by crawling up one of the staircases. He could not tell exactly who the attackers were, but he was sure that they would be distracted long enough for him to get away. Estella however, was not so fortunate.

He made a silent vow to return and save her, and crept into a random room.

"Would you like a glass of water sir?"

Pip nearly had a heart attack. "Don't scare me like that!"

"I'm sorry sir, it won't happen again," Diana apologized.

"Quick, there's someone in the house! They've taken Estella!" his voice cracked.

"I'm just the water girl."

"Estella orders you to help me rescue her!" He shook her.

"All right sir…If it is Madam Estella's wish."

"Righto." Pip opened a window, extending a leg to the low roof.

…

"Excellent work gentlemen," Molly cackled.

"A-Auntie, wh-why?" Estella coughed up blood.

Doyle tightened the ropes around her hands, enjoying his work.

"Because you did not live up to your mother," she explained. "You did not complete the cycle. You were raised to break men's hearts, and you failed miserably…"

"B-But I…"

"…and once you are gone, I will claim the Havesham fortune and do things myself."

"So th-that's what this is all about!"

"Yes…and the authorities won't be able to trace your mysterious disappearance back to me either. You see my dear, the nice gentlemen here are going to do me a favour."

Conan pointed his pistol at the struggling Estella.

"Oh no!" She closed her eyes, waiting for the inevitable…but it never came.

"Take 'is you old hag!"

She heard shots being fired, but they sounded as if they had been intercepted by something metallic.

"It seems that I was wrong in hiring you gentlemen," Molly said disappointedly.

Estella was surprised to find the gunmen dead on the floor.

"Nothing is done well by others." She sneered. "Forget the authorities. The fortune I gain will be enough to cover everything up!"

Estella screamed as the growls of the robotic monkeys filled her ears.

…

Several blocks from the Havesham estate, Pip and Diana were huddled behind an abandoned building.

"We must hurry, Estella is in danger!" Pip breathed heavily.

"We can't do this alone. It'd be suicide."

The boy pondered, trying to concentrate. "…Joe!"

"Joe? The village blacksmith?"

"Yes, Joe's my brother-in-law! He was there when we stopped Ms. Havesham years ago!"

"There's a slight problem with that." Diana sounded sad. "Joe died three weeks ago in an accident."

"What?" Pip's mouth hung open in an 'o'. "Why wasn't I told?"

"I don't know…but this is hardly the time to speculate. Is there anyone else you can think of?"

_"I know! 'He' could…maybe there's still a chance…!"_

"Well…there is someone…but I don't know how we could get a hold of him."

"What's his name?" Diana questioned.

"Damien."

_Rectus…Dominus…_

In a flash of light, a gothic boy appeared in a torrent of fire above Pip and Diana. His black hair swayed in the night air, and his red eyes gleamed with strength. He floated in midair for three seconds before his feet planted themselves on the ground.

"You called?"

The water girl's expression was one of pure confusion. _"What?"_

"Damien!" Pip was amazed. "You're here!"

"Been a long time Pip." The son of Satan smiled. "What's up?"

"We're in a bit of a…how do you say it? A jam!" he stumbled over words.

"Do tell."

Pip could tell that Damien was acting melodramatic. The English boy could still remember when he had first arrived in South Park as a new student. The thought of the devil child's gift to Eric Cartman was sickening. Damien had turned Pip into a living firework and sent him into the sky at the lummox's birthday party.

"M-My friend Estella, she's being held captive by criminals!"

"Friend?" Damien did not sound convinced.

"More like a lady-friend," he admitted.

The gothic boy rubbed his chin. "All right, I'll help ya."

"You will?"

"Guess I owe you for that time I blew you up," he sighed.

"Come on! Let's go _kick their arses_!

…

"And now we come to the final act, in which the stage is set for an epic showdown. Molly Havesham's robot monkeys prove a formidable foe, but Pip is not about to let Estella die at the hands of her manic aunt. And now the thrilling conclusion of _Greater Expectations_!"

…

Molly laughed at the sight of Estella's beaten body, writhing on the dining room floor. It was something she had awaited for a long time.

"Estella, do you see now?" she coaxed. "All this pain could have been avoided if you'd just gone along with your mother's intentions…but instead you fell for that commoner boy!"

"H-He's not a commoner anymore auntie," she choked, her hair in a strewn mess. "He's a gentleman. He was then and he is now!"

Suddenly a huge cloud of smoke filled the room, stemming from the charred doorway.

"Not so fast, you ugly ancient bitch!" Pip and his companions stepped up from the wreckage.

"Pip?" Estella was relieved.

"Your manhating days are over!" Diana tried to sound heroic.

"Quite the contrary." She pushed a red button on her seat.

Robot monkeys rained from the ceiling in hordes, their sharp teeth bared.

"Pip, get Estella, we'll take care of these!" The water girl threw a chair at one of the ravenous machines.

The simians surrounded them, more dropping in from the roof.

"Feel my wrath!" Damien shouted, his eyes arching with intense heat.

Furniture around the room was lifted into the air by a hellish hurricane. Many of the monkeys were also caught in the storm, their bodies shattering upon impact with other objects.

The goth lit miniature fireballs between his fingers, tossing them at incoming monstrosities and setting them ablaze. In a matter of minutes, he had torched Havesham's entire army.

"Estella, are you all right?" Pip held her tightly.

"What took you so long, you oozing, painful hemorrhoid that belches puss?"

"You're all right then?"

"Except for about fifty punches to the stomach, I think I'll live," she replied sarcastically.

"Watch out sir!" Diana warned.

Havesham was descending upon them, a dagger in hand.

Pip slid under her, kicking her in the ankles. She fell, the dagger landing several feet away.

"Nooo!" She tried to get up.

Damien summoned another wave of fire. It scorched through the carpet and hit the downed woman directly in the back. She thrashed in the flames for a while, before she finally went limp, burned to the bone.

"She's gone." Estella stood up with Pip's support.

"Poor, poor Molly Havesham…Doomed to the same fate as her sister," Diana whispered.

"Pip," Estella began.

"Yes?"

She gave him a hug. "Damn your timing, you stupid pathetic boy!"

"Ah…well…"

"I better get back to Hell," Damien interrupted.

"Leaving so soon Damien?" Pip let go of his love.

"Ya, but we'll meet again…someday."

He disappeared in a spiral of sparks.

"I'm glad everything worked out."

They left the manor, and the next day, Pip returned to South Park, where he would again be ridiculed for going to summer school.

…

"And they all lived happily ever after. So ends _Greater Expectations_. We hope you now have a deeper appreciation for Pip, and indeed, all masterpieces of literature like this one. Until next time, I'm a British person. Good night."

…

-Fin-


End file.
